“Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth."

That's a quote by English author Ashleigh Brilliant and I agree wholeheartedly.I divorced a husband because he lied to me. Well, he also screwed around but he lied about that, too. 

I've learned that a friend has either lied to me or perhaps she's just mistaken. I had been looking for information about a certain dead person and no matter what search terms I put in, I found nothing. I think I'm good at finding what I need so maybe there is nothing out there. My friend said she told her friend about it, her friend put in some search terms and, bingo, she had it. Why do I doubt this? And why did my friend not tell her friend to save it and email it to me? What my friend did was to later phone her friend and ask what search terms she had used. Well, I've done all that and got zero, nothing. 

Someone is not being truthful here. It doesn't seem like a big deal, really. I only want to know for my own satisfaction and that's not the point, anyway. The point is the truthfulness of the thing. Once I've been lied to, I have little use for that person. Maybe some people can shrug it off but it stays with me. What is the need to lie? Or make up something that stretches the truth? 

Friedrich Nietzsche said, " I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you." 

When pigs fly

That's when I planned on apologizing to my sister... when pigs fly. She phoned last week with some questions about our 81 year old mother's behavior. She made some statements that I disagreed with and thought were way out of line. It was a short conversation. She did most of the talking and I agreed or disagreed with what she said. We didn't quarrel or shout. It was mostly by our abrupt comments that we knew we were not happy about what the other was saying. We always end our conversations by saying "I love you". I don't think we did that day. 

I needed to make a response to my sister's statements. I was not so much angry as I felt that she should not be questioning our mother's behavior or actions. Mom is fine. She's healthy. She works two or three days a week. She lives alone and likes it that way. She sometimes forgets things but so do I. She dresses well, does her hair nicely, and puts on make up almost every day. At her age, as long as she's happy and healthy, I feel that she can do whatever she wants, except get on the roof to clean the gutters. Her ladder has been taken away for our peace of mind.

I fired off an email to my sister. I responded more fully to the questions she had asked earlier and told her I didn't think it was our place to question what Mom does or doesn't do. It's not like she's sitting in a corner with drool on her chin. She could be more active but she gets out and walks most days. She comes to my house for lunch once a week. I said that she and our other sister could take a bit more interest in Mom on a daily basis, call and visit more often. They all live in the same town; I don't. I wasn't hateful but I did say a few things that had been on my mind for some time.

Days went by and I didn't hear from my sister. I figured that when I did, I would probably get an earful. Not so. She phoned yesterday and was very calm and polite. She apologized for phoning when she was angry and said she knew I was angry when I sent the email. She explained why she had questions and said that it was because of her concern for Mom, that she just wanted to be sure everything was okay with her. I told her I understood that and apologized for not being more open to her concerns. It was a good conversation. Today she invited me to her house for Easter dinner. She's a nice person; the nicest of the three.

When I told my son that my sister and I had talked things out, he said, "That's the way it;s supposed to be, Mom. When there are issues, get them out in the open and get them settled. Holding grudges doesn't settle anything. This isn't high school." How did he get to be so smart?

How selfish can he be?

Rod Blagojevich, the Governor of Illinois, has been thinking only of himself. Every action has a reaction and his actions are going to trickle down to his children. His wife is already implicated in the ugly situation but the kids are innocents who will be affected by this for years. The girls are 12 and 5. The youngest won't understand what's going on but the older girl will. No matter how insulated the family tries to keep her, she is going to hear things about her parents that are not good... Dad's a crook and Mom may also be as corrupt and both have a foul mouths. This kid is in for a confusing future. 

Everything we do will affect someone. Too often we just act on impulse without considering the outcome. We all have stress of some sort but that shouldn't be used as an excuse to hurt others. I've done it too many times and regrets don't change the facts. I've upset family events by losing my temper and saying things that would have been much better left unsaid. The holidays tend to be stressful for many of us and the economic situation only makes it worse. I'm going to try to keep my mouth under control this year. I'm not going to stress over money because there is what there is. 

We can't monitor our every thought but we can think before we act. Or open our mouths. I'm trying.

Shouldn't it be easier?

Work is something most of us have to go to every day and if you are lucky enough to be one who doesn't, bless you and enjoy your life. I've said before that I try very, very hard to get along with everyone and to accept people as they are. I work with some of the most unpleasant people I have ever known and it is beginning to get to me in a big way. I'm only into my second day of work this week and they're killing me.

My supervisor, the cook, is surly. She took my mother and I out for lunch last Sunday so this woman is someone I consider a friend but she's still surly. I understand that her kitchen help is less than ideal but does being a grump make the day better? I think not.

One of the waitresses finds fault with all the staff and many of the customers. She's a great server but she's wearing me out.

What is it that makes a person find fault with others? Not one of us is the same as anyone else, making each of us unique. Doesn't everyone have good qualities that we should look for rather than seeing only the obvious warts?

Being around negative people rubs off and we can easily fall into the same habit. It's easy to say, "Stay away from negative people" but not so easy to do it when they are co-workers or family or neighbors. So what do we do?

There will always be people in our lives who see the glass as half empty. At the end of the day I read or listen to something that lifts my spirits. I can't change anyone, I can only keep trying to change myself and start each day with my glass half full.

Adult children's choices

We don't have to like who our adult children choose to date, marry, or have children with. But I find that it does help to keep our mouths shut about it. I'm trying.

I have so tried to like a certain young woman and every time I almost get there, she does one more thing that I find unacceptable. If not for an argument that brought my son to my house, he would have probably not lived through the ketoacidisis last December. I know that woman would have not checked on him and he would have passed the point of no return alone in the bedroom. Is there a reason for me to like this person?

I'm afraid she is about to drag him right back into a relationship again. It's a decision that's out of my control. I can't change anyone's mind about how to life their life.

I was in a horrible relationship for years. It was dangerous. My family was concerned for my safety. My mother kept telling me I was out of my mind to think things would ever get better. My son just said that he didn't understand it but it was my choice. I tell him the same thing now.

Is this what is meant by "What goes around, comes around"?

You're entitled...

One of the great things about living a free society is the right to express our personal views. Yesterday as I was getting out of the car after going to vote, the neighbor across the street called to me. I helped her move a dresser, then we sat on the porch to talk for a minute. I asked if she had voted. No. Hmmm. She then told me didn't think Hillary should be running for president because the Bible states that men rule, women don't.

"Barb, I don't think that holds true today. I think we've moved beyond that."

"Margie, every word of the Bible is true and God said that men shall rule."

We each have our beliefs. I'm not certain that Hillary should be in the White House but not because of the word of God.

I would never put down another's religious beliefs but I'm not tolerant of narrow mindedness and I think that describes my neighbor. There are no gray areas in her life; everything is black or white, right or wrong. The opposite side, however, is open mindedness. That leaves us open to reconsider an idea or a position, making us appear wishy-washy or indecisive.

I need to get along with the people who live around me. I will not tell my neighbor that I was thoroughly pissed when I heard that she called my oldest granddaughter a devil worshipper because she chooses to dress in black. I understand that it's ignorance, not meanness, that caused the statement. Our right to our views shouldn't mean that we remain stagnant, never considering that there could be more than one rational view of any situation or position.

Life is about growth and learning. My opinion about any given subject may change tomorrow from what it is today because things change. And if I'm going to continue to grow, I have to be open to new ideas.

Each of my neighbors has a different personality and a way of thinking that is not exactly like mine. It creates diversity yet comes together to form community. We are all different; we are all the same.

Valentine's Day

It's nice to be remembered on Valentine's Day, right? But what about the other 364 days... okay, take off days for your birthday, anniversary, Mother's/Father's Day, and Christmas... that's 360 days. Wouldn't it be a real treat to get flowers, a card, or a box of chocolates on some of those days, just because?

Actually, my second husband often brought me little gifts and flowers quite often. More often when he was fooling around with one of his sweeties. But, I wasn't aware of what was going on and thought he was the best. Right.

Back to gifting. Something like $15 billion!! will be spent for Valentine's Day giving. Roses will be horribly priced. It's possible that all flowers will be overpriced for the occassion. They will last only a few days to a week, at most. Buy them anyway. For your spouse, significant other, parents, adult children, or yourself. Be a part of this hugely expensive day and enjoy!

I love flowers. I like having fresh flowers in the house and buy them for myself fairly often. I usually take flowers to Mom once a week; three times a month, anyway. I occasionally take them to the ex-boyfriend. Men like flowers, too.

Anyway, keep flowers in mind after Valentine's Day. They bring a smile to the faces that give and receive them.

A cute little not to do here: http://www.basicjokes.com/djoke.php?id=5100